SIMPLIFY

Sorry for my absence from blogging, this story should make up for it. Read on.

Life is getting a little complicated, Kurt's health is going wacko, I'm temporarily up to more-than-full-time at work just after I got addicted to being a stay-at-home mom, and in general other ways we're feeling in over our heads. So we're toying with the idea of moving to Salt Lake to be closer to work for Kurt. Therefore today I decided to go APARTMENT SHOPPING. Of course I'm looking at cheap places in an effort to simplify life. I give you this list based on today's experiences.

Ways you know an apartment is too trashy for you:

1. You are afraid to take a deep breath in the lobby for fear of smoke or mildew inhalation
2. You won't touch the door handle with your actual hand to avoid contamination
3. The brown and cream marbled carpet is the same as 1963.
4. You refuse to set your child down on said carpet.
5. Your daughter is terrified of the large lady with no legs who chases her in a motorized wheelchair, shrieking "Hi pretty girl! Hi pretty girl!"
6. Same daughter refuses to look at a one-eyed woman singing to her, instead burying her face in your neck.
6.5. When making small talk with above mentioned women, nervous "hahaha I just don't think she's seen a wheelchair before" they say "Well if you move here you'll see LOTS of wheelchairs!"
7. There are vending machines from 1972 on each corner.
7.5 The whole place reeks of $19 motel from hell.
8. Again, you push open the door with your elbow to avoid contamination on the way out.

Next Complex:
9. Your 'community guide' is a gum-smacking fake blonde named Ginger who has had an obvious butt implant and wants to be your best friend.
10. While in parking lot on the way to view an apartment you get several catcalls from the local Hispanics who are tinkering on cars instead of out making legitimate money.
11. You get stared down by everyone, like maybe you ended up in the wrong neighborhood.
12. Delinquent teens who should be at school are tossing cigarette butts off their balconies.
13. The hallway to your apartment is dark, dimly lit, narrow, littered with trash, with few outside entrances.
14. The smell. Oh, the overwhelming musty-old-mildew-sick me out smell.
15. THERE ARE HOMELESS PEOPLE SLEEPING IN THE MODEL APARTMENT. (Yes! This really happened! Two teen girls sleeping in one bedroom and I walked in on an old man in the other.)

I promptly went home and washed my hands. Adrie's too.