Rosh Hashanah

I was honored to celebrate the Jewish New Year with one of my girls today. It was a very spiritual moment for me.

She explained the symbolism of eating apples & honey to honor the sweet things of life, for this day is the happiest day on the Jewish calendar - a time of new beginnings. We sat by the Provo River and tossed bread crumbs to symbolize the casting off of sin. It was a very moving experience to sit in the beautiful sunshine and watch the water carry away the yeasted bread - symbol of all that is spoiled in my soul. I can't help but love the symbolism in the Jewish traditions.

Rosh Hashanah is the happiest day, and comes before Yom Kippur - the day of Atonement. I found it properly fitting that with the new year we try to be better than before and make amends for what we can in preparation for the coming atonement.

Even before today, I have been thinking a lot about my role as a member of the House of Israel. At our roots, these beautiful Jewish traditions are ours, too. It was a memorable day, and again, I feel honored to have this experience of imagining what it was like to wait and watch for the coming Messiah.

How blessed I feel to have the knowledge that He came, and He Lives.

A Random Day in My Life

I'm living it up with Kendall's clothes in my house (I forgot how amazing it is to have roommates for clothing options!) and wouldn't you know it, the one day I wear an above-the-knee dress to church Adrie chooses to climb under the bench three - count them THREE times. I will never wear a short dress again with a toddler. My neighbors know a lot more of me than they should now.

I washed the exterior of the windows in my home yesterday. I'm amazingly proud of that fact. Sparkling clean SUN can now pour into my house! I love you sun!

Adrie took one look at a salt water aquarium and pointed out the "Sponge." She was absolutely right - HOW does she KNOW these things?

She also started pointing out "brother" and "sisters". How does she KNOW this!?

I saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat for the first time ever this weekend, and to make the experience that much more phenomenal - it was performed by my troubled teens at work, and two of the leads are MY girls. The pride I feel in that ownership is ridiculous. But my heart is bursting with the beauty of it all.

After my heart was bursting with the story of Joseph I read the account in Genesis again - and was completely struck with how this entire ordeal happened to Joseph so that he might be in place to preserve the entire lineage of Jacob (you know, the Jacob of "Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob") through those years of famine. Just another beautiful witness that the most difficult trials of our lives have design and purpose, and the struggle is worth the beautiful ending.

Happy Sunday.

Why I Obey

I really enjoy just being with my family and others I love. Seriously, sitting around enjoying each other in deep, connecting conversations and hang-out time is amazing. It's my favorite thing to do.

Someday I'm going to have the most marvelous vacation home. It's going to be large, spacious, open, and every room will be a suite with its own sitting room and glorious bathroom. The back porch will open right up to silky white sand and a view of the setting sun. I'll have every toy known to man - waverunners, snowmobiles, boats, and more. I'll have a kitchen stocked full of food (and dessert ingredients!). I'll have a cupboard of spare cash so you can grab a handful when you're heading into town, and help yourself to money for whatever you need that my dream home can't provide.

Wouldn't this be the most peaceful and beautiful setting imaginable? I'd love to open my doors wide to any of you who want to come visit and stay with me for awhile.

Who can I safely open my doors to? Who would YOU invite to your perfect getaway? With a million dollars cash in the kitchen cupboard, up for the taking?

I'd like to invite those of you I trust. Those of you who've proven to me that you'll use wisely what I provide, and listen when I simply say "Please clean up after yourself." You might not understand how OCD I am about having a clean home, but you do it anyway because you respect me and want me to be happy, for us to be happy together in this perfect setting. I'd love to open up my spare cash cupboard to you because you've proven that even though a million dollars is at your fingertips, you'll only use what you need.

That's why I obey. So I can be invited to a Home on High and peacefully live in a beautiful setting where I may not understand or agree with all of the "rules" but I can peacefully relax in happiness with those I love, because I've proven that I respect and honor the priveleges offered to me.

Loves means...

.... when your darling daughter begs "Kiss it, Kiss it" as she sobs because she bit her tongue a good one - you actually do.

Who knew I had magic lips?!

News for you guys...

.... I think I'm on team Jacob.

Don't hate me.

Tagged! (first time EVER!) Six things about Me

My darling Aunt Erin (she's more like a cousin, come on, let's admit it) tagged me for:

SiX UNreMaRkaBle ThiNgs aBoUt Me

I figure I give out all the juicy stuff in my 100's lists about myself... but let's see what I can come up with.

1. When I get nervous, excited, stressed, or basically a strong emotion of ANY kind, I have a hard time mustering an appetite or eating. It's like my stomach shrinks and ties in knots and there's just no pushing food down.

2. When I was a child, I wanted a nose job. Now I can think of a lot of other things I'd like 'fixed' but not my nose.

3. My nose wiggles when I talk. I have overcome my embarassment about this (and it's not the reason I wanted the afore-mentioned nose job). Thank you to those of you who have noticed this but been kind enough to avoid pointing it out.

4. I really dislike doing dishes. Slimy, old/stinky food and water + getting my hands wet is such a gross thought to me. This is why there are always either (a) 0-2 dishes in my sink (like if I can stay ahead of the slime then we're okay) or (b) the sink is piled full because I've given up.

5. My house is full of sweets & junk food I rarely eat. Seriously, I throw away candy bars etc. because they've gone old and stale before I eat them. Yet still, I buy whatever looks good on the grocery store shelves.

6. Climbing into bed at the end of the day (or in the middle of it!) is my favorite part. I love the solitude and thinking time for unwinding, processing, reliving, remembering, and more. I could lay in bed for hours, just enjoying the moment and thinking.

The very official terms & conditions:
Link the person who tagged you.
Mention the rules on your blog.
List 6 unspectacular things about you.
Tag 6 other bloggers by linking them.

I tag: Natalie, Kendall, Mallory, Jessie, Mindy, Taryn

The Birthday Bash

I'll be brief. We had a fun day, she loved knowing it was her birthday, she kept asking "a party?" and "Adrie Presents?" This morning when she woke up I let her see the presents I had wrapped for her, and she cried forlornly (not a tantrum cry, but one that really broke my heart) when I tried to explain they were for "later."

So I let her open one.

She spent the day at our darling sitter's, who had a Happy Birthday banner up and balloons all ready for their daytime celebration. Then tonight we had a little get-together of nearby family and neighbors with Adrie-aged children (sorry we couldn't invite you ALL!) I'll let the pictures tell the rest:






This next picture of Adrie is my very favorite. She was absolutely giddy and astounded to have a group of people singing "Happy Birthday" to her, looking from her Dad to them to me in excitement, sort of like "Are you seeing this!?" Best part of the whole night for me, seeing her so excited in the center of attention. You can see her clapping after the song in the picture after that.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Two Years Ago

I'm feeling more than a little sentimental today as I realize that my Adrie has been part of my life for two years today. I'm going to reminisce - it's not graphic - but might not be the 'thing' for you so feel free to skip it.

She was due on Sept 14th, and I was disappointed that I was feeling NO contractions or signs to herald her arrival. Saturday night the 16th I went to the University mall by myself and walked around for hours, window shopping mostly. I most vividly remember being in Bath & Body Works, and I think I bought my firstwallflowers air fresheners.

Sunday morning Sept 17th, 2006 I woke up and upon starting to get out of bed, realized my water was broken. I called the hospital, still in semi-disbelief that this could actually mean I was having a baby. I called the ER where Kurt was working and paged for him to call me - which meant all of his coworkers and he knew already what that meant. While he hurried I home I leisurely gathered up my things, washed my face & did makeup, and got ready to go.

On the car ride to the hospital - which was a glorious, sunny Sunday morning - we hit up a redbox outside McDonalds for hospital entertainment. We tried timing 'contractions' but they still weren't very painful and not that big of a deal. Kurt wore his scrubs to the hospital for extra prestige and respect - which really seemed to work! They checked us in to the hospital, and I was still half-expecting them to say "go home" or something - and it wasn't until I stripped into only a hospital gown that I really realized I wouldn't be leaving this hospital without a baby.

We spent the day in a beautiful room with a gorgeous view, and despite the fact I brought books, movies, and lots to do, we mostly sat around, talked, thought, journaled a little. With the help of ptsosin I progressed amazingly fast, and it was fun to have my doctor check in on me every few hours in his suit and tie, neglecting stake presidency duties across the street. With the mercy of my early epidural - about 11:00 in the morning, only an hour or so after arriving at the hospital - I was amazingly comfortable and enjoying the experience. We watched contractions on the screen and I only pushed the "more drugs" button once. I had to wear an oxygen mask because her heartbeat would drop after contractions. I was pretty shocked to have a nurse come check me and say "She's station 3" which I knew from my birth class station 4 meant 'delivered'! I couldn't believe my good fortune!

About 6:00 in the evening with the change in nurses, my new nurse decided we could practice pushing. They helped prop me up in that bed - it was awful not being able to move my legs entirely on my own! - and the most uncomfortable part of this whole experience was sitting scrunched up with my ribs killing me due to the massive baby there. We did one set of practice pushes - which is 3 pushes 10 seconds each - and then she said "We'd better not push anymore, I've got to call the doctor." I tried to adjust because of my aching ribs (seriously, I was hurting - which is really funny to me now, being that my ribs were the worst part!) and she looked over and said "Don't MOVE!" they called a team to deliver because the doctor wasn't there, but he swooped in just in time and at 6:23 pm after one big push and the craziest feeling I've ever experienced in my life as she came out of me - like losing your stomach in reverse - Adrienne Sage was born.

She didn't cry a lot, or very loud, and she was surprisingly clean. I looked at her with interest, sort of like "Huh. That's her. Interesting. She's cute." It was not really love at first sight, which some of you may think sounds awful but I am totally okay with. Kurt was completely enamored and followed her around while being cleaned & checked. As I was still in the process of finishing up I said "Whoa! That wasn't so bad. I could do that again!" and the doctor laughed.

We spent every hour we were allotted in the hospital, and kept Adrie in the room all but 4 of those hours, to get a little sleep the second night. We didn't interact with the nurses much and I didn't leave my room for the full 2 days. It was sort of like our little island.

We came home and began life! She was an easygoing, happy baby who cried very little unless she needed something, or during that fussy period in the evenings. Grandma Wood always said "You're going to spoil that baby by holding her so much!" and Grandma Williams kept saying "You just wait, around ten days old they 'wake up' a little" (meaning she wouldn't always be so good-natured.) They were both wrong, and Adrienne Sage has been an easygoing joy and delight for the whole two years I've been blessed to have her in my life.

My Girl's Weekend

Adrie and I were adopted into Mindy's family this weekend for some girl fun.

She posted a great blog with pictures here. Just in case you're interested :)

She forgot to mention the great food she fed us (warm gooey cookies... Freschetta pizza...) and the amazing craft she had all ready for painting (see my new candy dish?!)

P.S. Happy Last Day of Adrie as a One-Year-Old!

Happy Sunday!

And indeed it is happy. Only 8:24 pm, baby easily asleep, house clean, nothing but a book, bath, and bed ahead of me. I love evenings like this. Oh - and cinnamon devils (thanks Becky!). Book, Bath, Cinnamon Devils, Bed. Mmmm.

Adrie came home from her first birthday party with her dad's family SO excited, and wearing a darling dress. They say she opened it and was jumping up on her toes in excitement, begging to put it on. How I love that girl. She also insisted on cleaning up all of the wrapping paper for each present before she'd open another. I've taught her well :)

Today at church during each hymn she voluntarily climbed on my lap and sang her lungs out - every verse, every hymn. It choked me right up.

Tonight she pointed at herself and said "Blue Monster." Then she pointed at me and said "Blue Monster Momma." We then started growling and playing. My daughter plays pretend! Oh how I love her. All this after 15 min of a new movie last night. Man, she absorbs things fast.

Church was delightful today. If I ever knew that I'd enjoy church so much... man, I don't think I could have ever convinced my past self of how much I could enjoy 3 full hours of uncomfortable-sitting church. But I love every minute lately. It's the highlight of my week. And I sound so churchy saying that. Oh well. I love it. I love life.

You're Gonna Miss This

I am loving this season of my life. I am a driven, busy, efficient personality - racing through checklists and goals and always with "what's next" in sight. My first year at BYU I was driving back to Provo with strangers and was SO annoyed at the 10-hour trip ahead of me with its wasted time. Yet, somehow during that drive I gained the powerful realization that this moment, this time right now, will never happen again. Never. It was a great awakening that has been repeated in various times of my life, but never as powerfully as it did that day my eyes were opened to the fact I should just enjoy the scenery around me and make the most of where I was in that moment.

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

I love sitting at the counter with Adrie during meals, giggling at her efforts to eat and having mock battles with our forks. I love waking up to her commentary on everything in sight, and the big squeeze she gives me while I kneel down by her crib. I love to see that twinkle in her eye when she teases "Don't get me!" and starts to run. I love how she loves to do absolutely anything I want to do - from running errands, to cleaning house, to visiting friends, to you name it. I love my beautiful home, and the fact it is all mine - and all clean :). I love my job, the amazing people and clients I get to work with, and the fact that I never dread going to work. Never. I love teaching Relief Society and I look forward to all month. I love the ward & neighborhood friends I have that feel more like a family.

I know this season of my life won't last forever - I don't necessarily want it to - so I am doing my best to enjoy every single moment and live it to its fullest so I have rich, robust memories to look back on.

Remember the Sabbath Day, to Keep it Holy

My heart is so full and I feel to share a realization I had this weekend. Those of you who read for wit and entertainment, this might not be the post for you.

For the first time in my adult life I really looked forward to the adult session of stake conference (... okay, for the first time in my life I actually attended an adult session!), and made special effort to get to the Sunday session also (probably another first in awhile). What a powerful outpouring of the Spirit! I know it helps that I'm prepared.

There are a multitude of things I'd love to discuss, but the most powerful one is this:

The Sabbath Day was set aside, consecrated, even sanctified, by the Lord.

When you think about things that are consecrated and sanctified, or even things that are simply sacred to us (formal or not), they are not something we would toss about casually and set aside with ease when it suits our immediate purpose. The speaker told an engaging story about being hungry for spaghetti, only to find there was no oil in the house. His verbal imagery of grabbing the consecrated oil and firing up the skillet was a horror to all in the audience and really drove the point home - how often do we treat so casually our consecrated Sabbath Day?

To keep a Sabbath Day sanctified implies a lot more than a list of dos/don'ts. I get caught up in the don'ts - I try not to shop, listen to regular music, do intense recreation, etc. But my heart has not been in the place of understanding the meaning behind the fact that the Sabbath Day is a gift to our spirits. A Gift. A gift that we all too often see as an inconvenience, or maybe just a vacation.

So I'm going to try a lot harder to use my Sunday as a "Day of Rejuvenation" - not just a "Day of Rest." That last post I wrote about having the Spirit close when I am in the proper mindset goes hand-in-hand with this one. To think - 1/7th of a week focused on rejuvenating things spiritual and remembering my purpose could change my entire life.

I feel powerfully that we talk of these things far less than we should.

"Every word is nonsense but I understand it all" - Counting Crows

So, I haven't followed my twice-a-day email rule this week. I have enjoyed sharing multiple daily conversations with many of you, BUT I'm going back to following it. Here's my analogy: You know when you're making a big meal and you sneak so many tastes while cooking that by the time you sit down to enjoy the spread, it's not that exciting anymore? Well, when I check email by sneaking it here & there throughout the day, I don't fully enjoy correspondence, and then I don't have the excitement of checking at night. So back to my rule I go. Even on weekends... maybe 3x on Sunday.

I speed-walked a 10k up & around the temple with the jogging stroller brigade in my neighborhood yesterday, and it kicked my trash! I am hurting! And I secretly wonder if I have gout. My own d@*n fault for rarely eating vegetables. So to remedy that situation, today Adrie & I went on a date to Cafe Rio - and I ate 1 cup - no lie, 8 oz - of pico de gallo (along with delicious meat, cheese, and tortillas, which are the reason I have gout in the first place). That's got to be at least 2 servings of vegetables, right!?

My darling daughter is so well trained at putting things away that it's almost OCD. I can seriously hand her something and say "Go put this back in mom's closet, please?" and she will absolutely put it right where it goes. The OCD part comes in because it gets annoying sometimes, as things are put away that don't need to be, and she gets bothered when something's out of place. Example: If you leave your shoes anywhere in my house, you'll soon find them in the basket by the front door, compliments of Adrie.

I have a pet peeve to add to my list - Uncovered Loads on the freeway. I absolutely seethe inside when I'm driving on the freeway and start feeling the shower of dirt, grit, and small rocks that last for a mile or so before I can pass whichever lazy, inconsiderate truck up ahead is pelting cars for miles on end. Seriously - there should be an 800# we can call to complain, and then the highway patrol chases them down and throws them in lazy man's prison. Or fines them for the paint jobs on all the cars they're dinging.

Okay, that's all for now. I'm 4 photo shoots behind in processing, dying for a nap, and looking forward to Stake Conference tonight and tomorrow. Signing off.

"Some hearts have the stars on their side" - Carrie Underwood

I do love music.

I have spent numerous days trying to come up with my next list of favorites for you, but no great themes came to mind. Stay tuned for playlists with themes like "Why you should love country music" or "My Jukebox growing up" or "Music I learned to love from my parents."

For now, I'm dying for some new music to listen to at work, so you get a list of random favorites.

Enjoy!

Waxing Thoughtful

It's been awhile since I wrote of something spiritual on here. (I'm going to do it in my own Mormon verbage rather than trying to make it politically correct. Any readers not in this camp, just plug in your own words and search for my meaning.)

I've been pondering the fluctuation in my life between feeling spiritually on top of the world and in-tune vs. and other days/times where I have to try a lot harder to feel out that same guidance.

Long story short, it's directly tied to the energy, effort, and time I put into my own spiritual studies.

Of note: Spiritual studies includes the Bible, Book of Mormon, D&C & Pearl of Great Price, but also the Ensign, Conference issues of the Ensign, Preach My Gospel, and sometimes just spiritual journal writing about a topic.

Not gonna lie, part of me has been battling with how "unfair" it is that a loving Father in Heaven wouldn't just give us an equal portion of the Spirit when we really want it. If I'm tired, busy, etc. and don't have time to devote to studies like I should, why should I be "penalized" with loss of the Spirit?

I found the answer.

It's not the Spirit that moves, it's ME.

I need to study to keep MY perspective where it should be. I need an intense daily experience to keep my heart soft and my desire to do His will, not my own. In this crazy busy life I lead, when I don't take that time of spiritual rejuvenation, I'm not open to what the Spirit has to teach me or prompt me, and I'm not sensitive enough to feel its comfort.

I can't feel deeply or feel spiritually reminded and rejuvenated from reading a few obligatory verses of scripture before turning in for the night. Someone said in church a few weeks ago "Maybe it's suggested to read for thirty minutes, because for the first ten you're not really 'there' yet." I think this is the wisest thing I've heard all month.

So, in the words of Adrie (mimicking that girly-prince the Beast turns into at the end):

"It's me! It's me!"